When Clinton Lied, Nobody Died

Fat people, beware. As if you didn't have enough to worry about already, a new study suggests that overweight males produce sperm that are less healthy than those produced by slimmer individuals. However, the door swings both ways and underweight individuals also produce unhealthy sperm. I'm happy to report that I weigh in at 164 pounds, and, while lacking a well-defined 6-pack, I also lack the full keg. I have grand visions of successful bumper sticker slogans: "My sperm had perfect attendance at Ejaculation Preparatory School," "My sperm are honor flagella-beaters at Vaginal Elementary," and "My sperm can beat up your sperm."

Anyway, gross slogans aside, today has been a success. I obtained an ultra-rare flu shot, got lost in my neurobiology lecture, met for an hour with my bosses at the lab, listened to a Democratic Texas member of the United States House of Representatives (and Ethics Committe member) berate Tom Delay's professional conduct, debated the meaning of life at the Secular Students meeting, had two yearbook pictures taken, and downloaded a free student copy of an elite statistical software package that is supposed to only be good for one year (but allowed me to install a second copy anyway). Whew! Notice that "studying" was not a part of that list. That's because it starts now.

Music of the Moment: New Found Glory's "I'd Kill to Fall Asleep"